how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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