So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Found the puke drawer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
