Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
