Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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