i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
