my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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