I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize