We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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