You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
