He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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