I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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