I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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