how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
