His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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