She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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