return my video game
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
