haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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