i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
