My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Randomize
