Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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