why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
