you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We are two peas in an std pod
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
