zippers are such a cool invention
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
