Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
