I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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