i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
