Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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