Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
