Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
