when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
