my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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