I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
