Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
