Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
