happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
