If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
