It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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