Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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