Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
