I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
