i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
