There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
