I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
