Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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