alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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