I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
