Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
