I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
