If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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