So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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