Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
