sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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