She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
