She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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