Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
