Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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