I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need a beard to bite.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
