I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So much rum. So many feels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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