if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
