He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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