he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
