a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
