Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
