She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
