He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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